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BUILDING THE BRIDGE
Within us are two natures; the animal nature or mortal lower self, and the Christ force, or higher spiritual nature, the seed of immortality within us. In this simple diagnosis of our essential condition, numerous complexities arise. We study, name and identify the many aspects of our spiritual and earthly lives, devise systems in our attempts to classify, interpret and, we hope, to eventually understand these things for ourselves. We develop our own terms and “catch phrases” in our attempt to communicate with others the matters we feel are most important to understand, and we eventually hope to solve this riddle of our existence. We’ve even developed methods, and exercises that will supposedly help us to change “our natures”, or build a bridge from the mortal to the immortal. It is this “Building The Bridge” that I would like to speak about, but before we build, let us consider our present situation. I. The Two Natures; the Lower Self of Personality Our physical, lower self is in many ways like an animal. As I am somewhat predisposed towards Chivalry, I will use the analogy of a horse and rider for the Lower self being ridden by the inner Christ. This horse must be broken, like an untrained and wild animal, before it will willingly carry a passenger. Its physical strength is useful for transporting us on this horizontal plane of earthly existence while the new building (immortal body) is being built. While we inhabit this body, we must preserve the lower nature and use it for the purposes of the inner Christ. This horse has a mind of its own and does not at first willingly become the beast of burden, or servant of the inner Christ. Often it may run away with us, or throw us off and we find ourselves landing in the dirt with our destroyed plans, mourning our losses. The different influences of these conflicting natures within us must be divided with the sharp blade of a double-edged sword. Matter and spirit although bound together in this life will have to be separated for the next life. We need not do the cutting ourselves, it is done for us. All we must do is try to stay safely out of the way of the blade. If we learn to do this by being careful and observant of our actions, it will not painfully cut us as often. Patience and perseverance are needed. These processes of the new life acting within us can make our lives a true quest, an adventure with many marvels. Patience is difficult for the lower animal man who is always thinking of survival. It is like the horse that always wants to run back to the barn where food, shelter and the comfort and safety of the stable can be found. As a matter of fact, most all of the activities of the lower man are oriented towards his own survival and physical comfort. Actions that are not in some way related to these basic needs frustrate the lower self. Holding in the reins is more difficult when we’re young. The physical body’s needs are paramount, it is still growing - and this process can consume our life. That is why although we may feel the spiritual impulses at an early age; it is easier for us to give them more attention, as we grow older. This lower physical self offers much resistance, but the real “advisory” has always been the lower mind. The lower mind seeks to confuse us by pretending to go along with the “plan” of the Inner Christ, which it assumes it understands. This is impossible because, the inner Christ is guided and has no plans to speak of. Its directives -other than the general guidelines we learn - are always spontaneous. Only our ego thinks itself capable of understanding this plan which depending on the power of our intellect, can become extremely complex, and occupy us completely. This is not the understanding that brings us closer to God, but a large roadblock, which we create ourselves. It keeps us from hearing the small voice within, prompting us to the inner guidance that allows us to walk the path of the Inner Christ. Our lower self is the fearful “brown noser” always hiding its ambition under the guise of servitude. Once given free rein it “flexes its muscle” using its power like Judas against the Christ within, and “selling us out” for a handful of money. Not to mention what it encourages us to do to others, under the excuse of preventing, protecting, or punishing them. We must become conscious, of the survival instinct in us and face this shadow demon - our adversary. Together, all our collective adversaries prevent and punish each other, crying out, you have prevented and punished us! If we give rein to this anger, vengeance and retaliation we are more strongly in the grip of our advisory to the point that we may lose all ability to act independently of it. If we fall victim to this “vicious cycle” we have no one to blame for our own lack of freedom but ourselves. This is the common problem of the “L’homme du torrent” as Saint Martin calls him. We cannot expect to be liberated until this behavior is absolutely subject to the prompting of the inner Christ, and WE CHOOSE this guidance over the prompting of our lower self. We must know ourselves and face the inner hell of wrestling with this inner conflict until this serpent or dragon is subdued and then becomes the trusty mount, the horse or donkey that will carry us onward along the path. There are “sins” to be avoided, as they miss the target, the bull’s eye of our arrows aim. Repressing this behavior is not avoiding it, however. Our secret desires send messages to the subconscious mind that draw us to these desires, until the obsession nearly consumes us. This is one of the most important emotional “road blocks” to finding our path. Emotional obstacles give rein to feelings of Jealousy, Envy, Hatred, Rebellion, Vanity, Gluttony, Arrogance, which is ultimately egotism, and Self-righteousness. We do not need to punish these behaviors in others, or ourselves but forgive those who exhibit these behaviors. They are the symptom of the confusion of the lower self, the exile of a lonely, unhappy life in darkness where the light of inner guidance cannot be comprehended. The Christ within us does not exhibit these behaviors. Only when we abide in the eternal presence of this guidance can we be patient, and truly charitable. Every action from this state of being, or moment spent in its lofty silence strengthens its presence within us. It is the only place where we can find rest, the peaceful transcendence of our physical reality. That is why our prayer states; “we are ever restless ‘till we find our rest in thee”. II. Preparing The Way, Looking at our Fundamental Situation As you already know, if we want to build something important, we usually start with a plan. In our I.C.E.S. libers we learn that if we want to do something, we must first will it. We might think this out beforehand, trying to identify potential flaws in our system, which could make our construction ultimately unsuitable for our purpose. We must identify these factors, which could weaken or sabotage our construction, before they become part of the fabric. This would be our intention if we sincerely want to create something lasting and functional. This is a simplified system for building that works fairly well in our material universe. It makes a good working plan as long as it is flexible enough to accommodate necessary changes as needed to adapt to changing circumstances. Paradoxically, to create something “fixed” and permanent, we must be flexible and open to new ideas. If we don’t adapt to new circumstances that could make our foundation unstable, we may contribute to the premature ruin of our own construction. We cannot stand firm on assumptions; they will not continue to support us. We already know the underlying fears that cause us to the doubt our own constructions. This basic uncertainty is there because we distrust our own creations, we know, or should know, the limits of our own abilities. If we are flawed, imperfect beings, how can we expect to build anything that could lead us beyond ourselves? This fear keeps us from accepting change, and we defend our construction with various lies, all designed to cover up or patch the gaping holes, which expose these flaws. Knowing this whether we choose to accept or deny it, we still only face up to it when confronted with the rubble of our ruined constructions. Sometimes, not even then. If we look we can always find a reason, or excuse why it happened, so we go back to the drawing board, determined to get it right the next time. There is only a dead end at the end of this very long street. We may spend our whole life traveling forward on it, thinking that we’re making progress. This is the delusion that imprisons us all, thinking that we can get to this goal on our own efforts. The little adjustments we make to achieve this end are not really changes, and we are not fundamentally different because of them, and therefore, neither is our work. As long as it’s aimed as the horizontal, material level this is all that it can accomplish. What about spiritual progress? Are we trying to achieve the new life with the old methods, disguised as spiritual, but actually materialistic and horizontally bound? How willing are we to expose the truth about our real motives and ourselves? If we can finally see that there is such a thing as real progress, and also an inferior substitute, we will also know the higher self within and it’s inferior substitute. But are we now ready to start choosing this truth over fiction, and the still small voice from the loud demanding one? As we find ourselves, caught like a fly in a web bigger than we are, we begin to get the true picture of our fallen state of exile. Like Osiris and the savior we must go through the underworld of our own personal hell. This hell is our own old construction tumbling down upon us, the fulfillment of a flawed creation. We must try to keep from letting this darkness shut out our inner light, before we have reached the new dawn of our resurrection. How can we let go of all that has meant security to us, even if it was a tenuous security with all of its flaws and imperfections, for something that we cannot yet grasp? Because that something is holding onto us, and we must search out this “missing link”. We could not do it, but we are helped by those who have built and crossed this bridge before us, but only if we ask for this help. If we can remain standing, with our eyes open watching our former life crumble around us and still listen to the small voice of the Inner Christ, we will hear it once the loud cries of agony over the destruction have been silenced. We break down, and we may even break through if we are strong enough to admit our weakness, and weak and poor enough in spirit to ask for and allow divine grace to aid us. We are somehow strengthened by these experiences, and our lives have changed. At the point we no longer despair over the loss of our own creation, something surpassing it has been given to us in its place. This is an initiation, a new beginning, and a rebirth. Now we must go back and face the rubble our dreams once built. This can bring us to a new understanding, a new state of being, while we still inhabit the old one. If we do not own this former state and identify with it, we might make the transition to the state of being that is described as being “in the world but not of it” by the Christ. Unfortunately, this is a state in which we must still struggle, but it is now “not unto death, but unto life”, different then our former state. Our choices become more important now, because now we have real choices, so we must make them wisely. The biblical parable of building your house on a rock of the new state of being, or the sand of the old state applies to us. We know better than to use our old methods, yet fear prompts us and tempts us with our old sense of security. This new life requires us to make changes, and work in ways that are fundamentally different then our old ones. The divine plan includes us in its construction, yet we are not the designer any more. We are now the construction, and the inner Christ the builder. The “divine architect” who speaks only to the immortal one within us must guide us in this building. Because the immortal one is being built on the ruins of the mortal man. The crumbling ruins can become the Christ child’s new building ground, why would we want to create obstacles, or resurrect the corpses of our old life? Our mortal consciousness, unfortunately cannot understand what is happening, all it can do is fear its destruction, fear of what it doesn’t understand. What is has to learn is it will be provided for. The Christ tells us, “seek yea first the Kingdom of Heaven and all else will be added unto you,” This is true of the new state of being, although the physical cannot provide for the spiritual (it creates an empty house), the spiritual can and will provide for the physical if it is serving the “master” or higher self within. Once we can place those hesitating steps on its path, we will learn to trust this guidance which we cannot comprehend like a frightened animal learns to trust its’ master. III. Placing the Cornerstone Forgiveness must be given because we are equally affected by these behaviors in our fellow man. Forgiving is not only something we do merely for the one who exhibits this behavior, allowing him to forgive himself, but it quells those impulses in us that would become enmeshed in this behavior living our life out of each other to a detrimental end. The sad truth is that even when the higher nature speaks in us, we will have resistance. When we overcome this resistance in ourselves, we will still have resistance from others. We actually have greater resistance from others in this state. Much in the gospels in said of the Apostles of Christ and those who will hate them. Christ then admonishes them to “Love your enemies.” How are we to understand this? The lower mind is not capable of this Love, this detachment. In the lower mind Love is mixed with Lust, Anger, Hatred ...all the “emotional roadblocks”. I don’t believe that it is this kind of love that the Christ is speaking about. The Christ within us knows that others resist and persecute us BECAUSE they feel the presence of the inner Christ and are stirred to a negative reaction because of it, and because they are not yet able to be stirred in a positive way by this presence. This is more than tragic, and sad, it is actually cause for rejoicing. The fact is, THEY FEEL IT TOO OR THEY WOULDN’T PERSECUTE YOU! If we have the necessary Faith and HOPE that the inner Christ will ultimately conquer, we can Love them for the person they will become, the person that they and we are within, the inner Christ in all of us! This is the secret of that love in some of its explainable aspects, but this state of being, this state of understanding is beyond explanation, we must know it by experience, by walking this road or path. Then, this state of being working within us can build this bridge, and ultimately carry us across it - even in death. IV. One “Stone” at a Time It is difficult to do this “simple” thing because our minds have become so complex, our emotions so twisted and tangled. We think all we need to do is keep adding to this flawed building, more and more bricks, trying to build stability out of trial and error. Trying to build perfection with a flawed consciousness, trying to see clearly through a glass darkly. We continue on, heroically, in the face of adversity with a tremendous effort. It is admirable, yet somehow tragic and misguided. We have the potential to be gods, Christ said, “do you not know, ye are gods?” but living the doomed emotional life with this greater potential within us is the sad song of a tragedy. Or perhaps, the twisted laughter of a perverted comedy. All in all, the true victory is not this dramatic, although it is more exciting then its dramatic substitute. We may double and multiply our efforts but we will never achieve more greatness than by reducing our aims to the number that can be divided by nothing. Truth mixed with falseness only leads us in the direction of survival, which leads only to physical death. Our riches, accomplishments, and children may live after us but what good is this death? When the Cathar's spoke of “dying the good death”, what did they mean? Could it be that there are two kinds of death, on preferable to another? One in confidence and Peace and the other in hopeless confusion and agony? We are all concerned with our own death but we don’t want to think about it. Many of the things we do with our lives are to achieve an “immortality” of sorts, it’s really a grandiose elaboration on the survival instinct, but we like to think of it as “immortality”. Most of us want immortality but the lower mind thinks of it as possessions, fame, family, physical monuments, or essentially the material life. There is nothing wrong with having these things if we are strong enough not to let them destroy our “inner” life. Do we ask ourselves daily; are we building this bridge to the other shore, walking towards it or walking the other way? The path of wholeness doesn’t include the whole of gross error, but leaves it behind as so much unnecessary baggage, choosing instead the simple way of the soul. When will we learn to distill this essence, the Alchemical gold of the new Soul body? V. Distinguishing The Higher Self From The Lower The signature of the higher nature is in all things, but only when it is in us can we recognize it or find it outside of ourselves. If it is not found within, we can search, and build and accomplish many things, but we still somehow fail - we come back from these experiences “empty handed” or rather, empty hearted. If and when we do find this “inner jewel”, we must not take it for granted, and we must protect and guard it from ourselves, our adversary the lower mind that is still able to act in us. Never assume that this battle is over, that the slain serpent cannot rise again. We must always be watchful and the best defense we have against these temptations to let the lower powers take control, is humility. This humility will keep us in the light of the inner Christ so that dark powers may not have their way with us. We cannot escape this darkness, this shadow of illumination, it is always with us. The best we can do is not to fear it, be aware of it, and not allow it free rein in our consciousness. If we do make the mistake of giving in to it we must forgive ourselves, but not vow hatred or enmity towards it, which leads to repression and ultimately a breakdown into greater errors. Humility accepts our mistakes, looks at our accomplishments as impossible without “the grace of God”, and knows itself well enough that the mis actions of others do not receive a stern judgment from us but a sigh of acceptance and compassion. When we can say about another’s faults; “There but for the grace of God go I”, we are close to Humility, our “safe haven” in the inner castle, as Teresa of Avila calls it. The lower mind may try to convince us that it can work towards our goal with us. This is impossible. How can a nature, fundamentally different in all its aspects have the same goal as the higher nature? The lower nature always wants to “use” the higher nature to accomplish its survival-oriented agenda. It tries to intimidate the higher nature with fear, the essence of its “knowledge”. When we give in to these prompting we go two steps backwards on our journey that has taken us so long to make one step forward. If we are really confronted with starvation, injury or death we can “protect ourselves” from our perceived dangers in this world, although this protection doesn’t really protect us, ultimately. In my martial arts training, I was told not to flinch or move away from a fist I thought was going to hit me. We were instructed to discern the difference between the fist (or real danger) and our own fear. Often, at the last moment the fist stops short of its target. By not fearing, we can pay attention to its course, and if necessary divert it a moment before impact, if, and only if IMPACT IS INEVITABLE. We waste so much valuable time avoiding falsely perceived “danger”. Do we really think we can protect ourselves? Dead in a wood coffin under a granite monument, that is the safest place on earth. When we feel the “tap on the shoulder of the lower nature” we shouldn’t let ourselves give in to this false sense of importance and become alarmed. The lower mind thrives on flattery, affection, attention, and recognition. It always has complaints, excuses, and justifications for its bad behavior, calling them; “explanations” doesn’t objectify or rectify the situation. The inner Christ has no need of these things. The inner Christ cannot only help us in “Spiritual Matters”, but in ALL Matters. The spiritual life is a way of life to be lived at all times. This living is an art, and it is the only path to peace and true fulfillment of our lives as they were best intended. That is why the lower mind has no purpose in this plan except to “step aside”, and let the inner Christ work and act in us. Its touch only corrupts the true work, rendering it suitable for destruction, so that it may die and be resurrected in the new life. VI. Separation of Higher From Lower After the resurrection, the Inner Christ emerges from the tomb. He says to Mary, “do not touch me.” This is what we must say to the lower mind. We must tell our adversary, “Your nature cannot be mixed with mine, if you try to own my light, and I will recede and leave you in darkness. You will then again be alone and terribly empty.” If you allow me to lead I will illumine your way and you will find more temporal joy than you could have stolen by your greatest ambitions, allow me to speak through you and act through you, and you will never have a better Master.” Once we have found this Master, our Inner Christ, we must listen to him. Only when we quiet the lower mind can we hear the profound silence of the Master. If we are willing to wait on the eternal, we will be guided on the right path. All prompting of urgency are those of the lower mind, we must be patient, and learn to trust the guidance of our Inner Christ. Our prayer states, “ Lord make me an instrument of thy will.” This is our goal, to be an instrument of the divine power, there is nothing “in it for” the lower mind, but it will receive blessings as a “by-product” of this high calling, as will the rest of lower mankind caught in the, snares of the serpent,” or the lower mind. Only with this guidance can we build the bridge that leads us and all of humanity towards the Eternal life. We must seek out this signature in all things. If we look for it we will recognize it in our fellow man, helping him to recognize it also in himself. By every such act we work to strengthen the power of the almighty on this earth. Our lives can be lived to their fullest, in the light of this divine purpose. Although we may or may not also accomplish great things in this world, we must be content and accepting of our part, however great or small it may be. We don’t need to be jealous or covetous of spiritual gifts, for we all benefit thereby from each other’s progress along the path, and we build the bridge together so we may all eventually one day cross over it. As the gospel of Thomas states, “ What you bring forth will save you, but what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” We must make a choice, we are given help, but the choices we make are our own part in the work, and Let us choose wisely. We cannot make the Inner Christ Manifest, but it will not be possible if we don’t allow a place for him, and invite him in. Love does not force, and he will not force himself upon us, and if we want him to stay we must make room for him in our lives. Even if this room is only a manger, a stable where we keep our “animals” a humble recognition of our “low estate.” This is the path to our salvation, and we must walk it - no one will walk it for us. It is the path that leads to the bridge. Many have built for us and with us; we must become co-builders on this bridge and ultimately cross over it, into the new life of resurrection. This can only happen after we’ve carried our crosses to the “crossing over point”, that point we might only see now as a faint light, away in the distance. Christ says to us, “I come as a thief in the night.” He comes to us when we least expect or know he will, so we must always be ready; always humble always open to the prompting of his messengers, always acting or speaking with the guidance of the inner Christ, or higher nature, not our lower nature. We must keep this vigil, long past the exhaustion of the lower mind if we wish to ever abide in the eternal. The adversary, (our lower mind) will still tempt us, but these temptations will strengthen us, as our “gold “ of the new soul is tested in the “fire” of these inner conflicts between the lower and higher man. This is the process of Inner alchemy this “bridge building”, and it’s the “quest for the grail” of the Knights of old. If we fight courageously we might “win this victory over our lower selves,” as it states in our liturgy. The Christ within will fight and win it for us, if we allow him to act in us. We cannot destroy the lower nature, the lower nature feeds itself on destruction, we can only let its voice grow faint, starve it through not “giving in” to its prompting and not listening to it or letting it speak in us. This is our task, to make this choice at every conscious moment, so me might have more of them. Let us abide in this, and meditate upon it, that we may some day awaken to the new life, and we find ourselves on the other side of the bridge. c 1997 Sar Sophia |
